If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i think we sleep fucked last night...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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