I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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