jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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