Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
