ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
