Don't you send me to vm
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
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Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
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Let's get the cat blown out
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I love you.
Bad choice
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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