I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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