Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
