i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
