guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
