Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
