I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
