I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
