i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
