I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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