FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
should my penis look like a turkey
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
