Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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