Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
