Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
