Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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