If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
