but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
where does the pee come out of this thing
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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