he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
