She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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