A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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