Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
