taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
