Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
