he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
