That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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