I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
