I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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