Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
