I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
