I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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