Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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