Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
