Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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