i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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