Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
