Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
There are leaves in my underwear?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
