...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
