he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize