You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
