just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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