that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
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Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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