So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
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I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
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I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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