so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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