If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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