Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
