U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
