She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
