She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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