Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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