My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize