How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
