After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
