dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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