I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
