My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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