Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
