Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
