your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
