Apparently you make a good broom.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
