Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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