I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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