Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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