the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
