We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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