yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
