im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
