His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize