Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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