Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
