I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
