You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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