chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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