4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She said her name was "party"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
