Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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