We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
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Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
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Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize